I got up this morning and decided I needed to read back through my blog a bit. I needed to be reminded of what God has done in our lives in the past few years, and of the things He has taught me through it. It's been a slow, but very good, journey through the past year's blog entries. I hope to have time later today to read a little more...but I just ran across my blog entry for a year ago today, and thought I would share it again, in it's entirety, here. (I almost had to laugh as I read what I wrote about "closure" and the "cloud of waiting" no longer hanging over our heads...as the beginnings of "closure" ended up being an illusion, and the "cloud of waiting" merely moved out of our field of vision for a few weeks before re-entering it even larger than before. Eleven months after its reappearance, it still hangs there, threatening a storm occasionally, but mostly just unsuccessfully trying to block the rays of the sun.)


Trust His Heart

Trust His Heart

All things work for our good
though sometimes we can't see how they could
struggles that break our hearts in two
sometimes blind us to the truth

Our Father knows what's best for us
His ways are not our own
So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him
Remember you're never alone

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He sees the master plan
And He holds our future in His hands
So don't live as those who have no hope
All our hope is found in Him

We see the present clearly
But He sees the first and the last
And like a tapestry He's weaving you and me to someday be just like Him

God is too wise to be mistaken
God is too good to be unkind
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand
Trust His heart

He alone is faithful and true
He alone knows what is best for you
So when you don't understand
When you don't see His plan
When you can't trace His hand trust His heart

~Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell

This song has been a favorite of mine for years, and yesterday on the way home from an extremely difficult morning, the chorus began to run through my head, over and over. I found myself humming it all day and evening. This morning when I woke up, it was still playing in my mind.

Yesterday did not go as I had hoped and prayed. In some ways, it was not nearly as bad as it could have been, but in some ways, it was much worse than I expected. It didn't help that my perspective was very different than that of many other people involved...people whom I care about very much, but who either aren't aware of "the story behind the story" or who are aware, but don't see it through the same eyes we do. The complicated mix of emotions was stirred even more by unsuspecting words on the part of others...I felt as though I were swallowing ground glass as I sat and listened to people describe a version of the situation that was far, far from the truth...and knowing that, at least for the moment, I was powerless to do anything about it.

But...God is still God. He is still good. He is still sovereign and sufficient to meet every need. There has been much in the past two years that I have not understood about God's plan and His work in our lives. And as I told a friend yesterday, "The fact that I don't understand this is no different than all the other things I haven't understood in the past two years." I reminded Billy this morning that two years ago today, on what would turn out to be the worst day of my life before or since, I would *never* have been able to imagine the ways that God has worked in this situation. Yesterday's outcome...although not exactly what I would have chosen...was nothing less than a miracle, considering the bleak outlook from two years ago.

The day for which we waited for almost 18 months has come and gone. I suppose in some respects there has now been some *closure*, although the scars will linger forever, and it will never truly be *over*. I am thankful for an opportunity to begin moving toward a *new normal* in our lives, without the cloud of *waiting* hanging over our heads with every step we take. I am most of all thankful for the lessons God has taught us...and is still teaching us...through all of this...about His love, His goodness, His grace and mercy, and His sovereignty.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
Lamentations 3:21-26

No comments: