The Beautiful Ache

A few weeks ago I was browsing a blog...I wish I could remember whose...and saw a reference to Leigh McLeroy's The Beautiful Ache. For some reason, it caught my eye, and I immediately looked it up on Amazon. Then I did what I *never* do, and ordered it...on the spot. Now...this is coming from someone who waits for *years* sometimes to get a book used at just the right price. ;-) I have no idea why I decided to order this book knowing *almost* nothing about it...other than the fact that God knew that I was going to need it.

It came last week, and I began reading it as soon as I unwrapped it. I was amazed at how perfectly it spoke to me exactly where I was at that very moment...and where I am now.

Tomorrow holds an event on which we have waited...with quite mixed emotions...for almost 18 months. An event that has been scheduled, delayed, rescheduled, and postponed until I think we frankly had about ceased to believe it would ever really happen. Mixed emotions doesn't even really begin to convey the chaos of feelings it brings...from deep, deep sorrow at the senseless pain the actions of one has caused so many, to intense relief that finally, perhaps, we can move on with our lives and begin to find a *new normal*. We have waited so long, prayed so hard, and concurrently hoped and dreaded so incomprehensibly that now that the actual event is upon us, it almost seems as though it will be a complete anticlimax.

I've struggled greatly with the giant range of emotions the past few weeks...many related to tomorrow, and a few created by unrelated hurts that have just hopped on for the ride. The whole situation has suddenly come to the forefront for a couple of my children again, and tonight has brought meltdowns I am ill-equipped to handle at the moment.

I sat down to try to get a few minutes of peace and quiet...in between the dog barking, the four year old coming in covered in house paint ("Look, Mommy, Me help Daddy!!"), and the ever-present sinkful of dishes calling out to be washed...and realized again that I did not order this book on accident. God knew that these words were a reminder I would desperately need on this night:

" Like me, the Israelites were barely 'out of town' before their massive and miraculous exodus screeched to a halt. Backed into a corner at the edge of the Red Sea, they faced the sure menace of Pharoah's oncoming army. The only choice left to them seemed to be not whether to die, but how: by an Egyptian soldier's sword, or by slow drowning in salty waves? The same God who--by plagues and miracles--had weakened Pharoah's resolve to keep Israel in slavery now changed the Egyptian ruler's heart again: 'For Pharoah will say of the sons of Israel, "They are wandering aimlessly in the land; the wilderness has shut them in." Thus I will harden Pharoah's heart, and he will chase after them; and I will be honored through Pharoah and all his army, and the Egyptians will know that I am the Lord.'

"It made no sense. Why would God lead His people out and then threaten their very lives? Why would He arrange the all-too-soon showdown at the Red Sea? For His own glory, the Bible records. For His reknown. For His great fame and name. It seems that more was at stake than the Israelites' straight, comfortable, and expeditious journey to the promised richness of Canaan. Their going out was as much about the trip itself as it was the destination. They may have been focused simply on getting from point A to point B. God was focused on much, much more than that. Through time and tears and hardship, He would build their faith and cause them to boast in His provision. He would make believers out of opposing armies and prove His faithfulness again and again. His chosen ones were weak and dependent. He was mighty and strong. This was the truth they would be called to relearn at every bend in the road. "

...

"Could unarmed Israel have defeated Egypt in their own strength if they had turned and fought at the edge of the sea? Not likely. Had a single Israelite ever witnessed a body of water--any body of water--cleave itself in two? Negative again. But these end-result-oriented people were only just getting to know their process-happy God. In the months and years that ensued, they would find themselves helpless and held fast by circumstance many times, and He would surprise them at every turn......

"....They grew in faith, and He got glory. Lots of it. But they would never have chosen such a rigorous drill had the choice been left up to them. They were learning to be God's people in God's presence by God's power. They were tasting His kingdom, still miles and years from Canaan." (Leigh McLeroy, The Beautiful Ache)

For anyone who is experiencing a time of suffering, I would wholeheartedly recommend The Beautiful Ache as a must-read.

Cute Little Girly-Dos, part 2 (aka Arrgghhh, part 2 ;-))

*Sigh*

Well, I *finally* managed to get Blogger to let me upload some pictures. We won't talk about how much time I spent trying to make this happen, or the fact that I am now having to post from IE instead of Firefox...grrr. No matter the contortions I've had to go through, I have photos now, and I am grateful.

Except...

*Now* Blogger won't let me move the photos once I get them uploaded. So...I cannot get them in order. Hopefully this won't make you *quite* as crazy as it has made me. ;-)

This was *supposed* to be the last picture. The caption was going to be..."And while we were busy with girl stuff, Peter was creating this spear." (I keep calling it a sword, and being reminded that it really bears no resemblance to a sword. Hmmph. It's long and it has a sharp point. Close enough. ;-))


Front view of Emlyn in her latticed puff-tails...

Another view...
I told you these were way out of order. *I'm* having a hard time telling who is who. This is a top view of Bayley in lattice puff-tails.
Front view of Bayley...
Another top view of Bay....
Ammah Grace calls these *Criss Cross Applesauce* puff-tails. I guess that would work, too. :)

Front view of Ammah Grace...
Side view of Gracie...she was really proud of her curls. :)
Remember Emlyn, way back at the top? ;-) This is a top view of Emlyn.
Back view of Emlyn...

Disclaimer...we'll post *better* pictures of this style soon, I hope. These were taken Saturday while we were *just playing*. :) We couldn't find a comb at the time, so it was a bit of a challenge, but the girls and I had fun anyway. :)

Simple Woman's Daybook

For June 30, 2008

Outside my Window...
Sunlight coming through the trees, birds chirping, an occasional car driving down the street.

I am thinking...
about all we need to get done today, changing our chore routine, a busy but welcomed "week (mostly) at home", and how nice it has been to have Billy off more than usual lately (and how sad we are going to be when his days off are over this week and he has to go back to a normal schedule for the rest of the summer :-( ).

I am thankful for...
the beginning of a week we thought would never get here, which will hopefully bring some closure to a long-term extended family crisis so that we can begin to experience a "new normal"; my BIL and niece joining the church yesterday...my BIL's contagious joy and excitement about sharing the gospel with others, and the anticipation of their baptism Sunday;
that we survived camp and VBS and the rest of the summer is *empty* of major outside commitments!

From the kitchen...
Really simple fare this week...maybe taco salad tonight?

I am creating...
new chore lists for the kids, our "rest of the summer" schedule, and hopefully finishing up some "hanging" creative projects from the past couple of months so that I can start some new ones!

I am going...
to thoroughly enjoy a *normal* day at home today!!

I am wearing...
red print shirt and black shorts with jeweled black flip flops

I am reading...
The Beautiful Ache, by Leigh McLeroy. *Incredible* book and exactly what I needed to read at this time in my life. Highly recommended reading...especially for anyone who is going through one of the *storms of life* now.

I am hoping...
For no unexpected surprises this week.
For a great birthday for a young friend today!
For a safe and productive mission trip for my friend T....back in Haiti this week.
For a wonderful vacation for my friends J. and H. this week!

I am hearing...
Darcy bark because she wants the children to finish their chores and play with her!!

Around the house...
we are working to restore order and get back to the work of decluttering and beautifying our home. And Billy is painting the outside trim...YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of my favorite things...
a note from a friend, "just because"

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...
Continue catching up around the house and getting back to *routine* (as much as is possible with Dad off two days and a holiday on Friday! :)).
A big day tomorrow, with hopefully some fun thrown in later (we hope to picnic at the Nature Center tomorrow afternoon, and maybe play some putt-putt at the park tomorrow evening.)
Bayley gets her ears pierced Thursday in anticipation of her birthday in August!
(We told her she could have them done early so she would actually be able to *wear* the earrings she will get for her birthday. :))
*Something* festive on the 4th...not sure what yet!
*Maybe* a scrapbook day on Saturday with a friend or two...:-)
Tim and Brianna's baptisms on Sunday!!

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

Blogger still isn't letting me post pictures, so I will have to try again when I get that worked out!

Thanks to Peggy for hosting the Daybook each week!

Arrgghhh...

Is anyone else having trouble posting photos on Blogger this week? I have been trying for 3 days to post some photos, and I cannot get the "upload photo" screen to come up when I click on the "upload photo" button.

In case anyone wonders, it's making me completely bananas. ;-)

If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Cute Little Girly-Do's :)

I'm always on the lookout for cute girly hair-do's. I can't wait to try some of the ideas on this site, and this one. In fact, I think we may put in a movie this afternoon and play *makeover*, as the girls call it...sounds like just the right speed for a rainy Saturday afternoon following several weeks of camp and VBS madness. ;-) Maybe I'll even get some pictures posted!

VBS Week

Wow. When I last posted I had plans for several other posts to follow pretty quickly...and it has been a week. Part of that has been VBS prep, and part, I guess has been Satan attacking hard the commitment to developing a generous spirit. Last week was rough...lots of things hitting emotionally at once, as well as frustrating physical issues. Hopefully this week will be a bit more on track, even with VBS taking a huge chunk of time. I still have a list of things waiting to be posted. :)

In the meantime, it's time to get everyone up and out the door for Day 2 of VBS. :) More on that later....

Grieving

It's funny how grief can hit sometimes. This weekend, I had a brief conversation with a friend who lost her father recently, and I suddenly realized that I was not dreading Father's Day with the dread of the past few years since Daddy died. I actually made it through all of Father's Day without tears. I was so proud of myself, and thankful to be past the debilitating grief that went on for so long. It was nice to be able to think about my dad, enjoy the memories, and even miss him, without the bone-crushing grief of a few years ago.

Then tonight in choir, there it was. From completely out of nowhere. Lyndel told us to pull out a particular piece of music, and it happened to be the arrangement of "When I Survey" that the choir sang at Daddy's funeral. No problem. We've sung it more than a few times since then, and the last few, I've been fine. Suddenly tonight, I was fighting the quivering lip and teary eyes...but fighting I was...I was determined not to lose it, and I knew that part of it was probably just the fact that it has been an especially difficult and emotional few days for a lot of other reasons. I set my jaw, sang a bit louder, and determined to smile. Then I turned the page.

How in the world out of a stack of 50 or more pieces of music did I manage to grab the one that had been my dads?? The name on the front had been erased, so I had no idea, until we turned a page and there was Daddy's very distinct handwriting. The lump in my throat suddenly overwhelmed me and the tears that had been threatening began to roll down my face. The only thing I could do was to stop singing for a few lines and use every ounce of strength to pull it back together.

That brief blip of grief reminded me of some things I apparently needed to be reminded of. To be thankful for my dad and the relationship I had with him. To be thankful that this was indeed just a brief blip of grief, and that God *has* brought me so far from the heart-wrenching grief that went on for so long. To be thankful for my husband and a few friends who trudged through that time with me, living out the Biblical admonition to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." I can't imagine going through that time without them. To pray for those I know who are still wading through the grieving process.

And most of all...to be thankful for the hope we have in Christ: the certainty that Daddy is with the Lord, and the assurance that we will see him again.

Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.
~I Thess. 4:13-18