When We Reach the End of Our Hoarded Resources...

Today's reminder...

From Annie Johnson Flint's beautiful hymn, "He Giveth  More Grace".

As I said in yesterday's post, His giving is not for our selfish pursuits or desires, but so that we can fulfill His plan for us. Some days, that plan may be for us to be able to be kind and loving as we serve our families in the midst of exhaustion. Some days it may be seemingly "bigger", "more exciting" things. Whatever it is, He continues to remind me that He has given and continues to give exactly what we need to do what He has for us to do.

What an encouragement!

What has encouraged you today? I'd love to hear about it in the comments here or on Facebook.  Or perhaps you are struggling and in need of prayer. Send me a message through the sidebar widget or the Facebook page linked above.

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Welcome to Ponderings of an Elect Exile!  Whether you are new here or a faithful friend and regular reader, I'm glad you're here!  If you aren't already following, I'd love to have you join us for the 2015 Ponderings.  It's easy to do, in a variety of ways!  You can follow via  Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest, or  find me on Instagram as Jenbh68. You can also sign up in the sidebar to receive new posts by email.

Celebrating GRACE {On This Day}

The last couple of days have been rough. We're all okay, and no big, bad major event has happened (in fact, there's been some good, happy stuff in the mix!:)), just a whole lot of general life yuck and then Satan hurling some fiery darts into the whole mess. Yesterday was the worst for me. I fought a lot of tears and lapsed into extreme survival mode.

Between those struggles and a busy schedule this week, I hadn't even really thought about the date itself...until I clicked over to my TimeHop early this morning and saw this status from two years ago:

Nine years ago today was the worst day of my life. As the status above says, our world shattered into a million pieces.

The intervening years have been hard. There were times during the first few years especially that I wasn't sure any of us were going to make it. Trauma issues in our children and in ourselves, concern for the safety of our family, life-altering decisions we weren't really prepared to make, and countless sleepless nights were just a few of the issues with which we struggled during those years.

The last few years have been a bit like the calm in the eye of the storm. God has worked much, much healing and growth in our lives. We have seen His glory in ways we could never have dreamed. In those very early days nine years ago, we began to pray, "Please just make the path so totally crystal clear that there is no question possible about the right direction." We have seen Him do exactly that over and over and over again.

As I shared here,we've dreaded 2015 for a long time. And yet, as we enter the second half of this year, we have already seen God answer prayers we didn't even know how to pray, and provide for needs in ways we would never have imagined.

My TimeHop this morning is full of reminders of God's faithfulness from this date in years past. I love that! I love that those "standing stones" are there to remind us how far He has brought us and how much He has shown us of Himself even in the darkest of days.

I'm also reminded today how blessed we've been in the people God has provided over the years to support and encourage and pray for us. Out of necessity, only a handful of people were aware of the situation in our lives 9 years ago. Those people spent much time in the trenches with us...and unlike us, they made a choice to be there, because they loved us and were fulfilling God's call to help bear our burdens. That is true friendship, and I can't imagine these last nine years without them.

Others had no idea what was going on, but God called them to pray for and encourage us anyway. How thankful I am for those people, who listened to the still, small voice and obeyed, and who impacted our lives in ways they will never completely realize. And how thankful I am for those who have since heard our story and supported and prayed and encouraged. We have an amazing array of friends who have invested in and loved and prayed for and encouraged all of us in so many ways, and that blessing is tremendous (to use a favorite word of a certain music minister *grin*)

Psalm 40:1-5 have long been favorite verses of mine, and this morning I cried all over again when I got to verse 5:

Many, O Lord my God,
    are the wonders You have done,
    the things You planned for us.
None can compare with You;
    were I to speak and tell of Your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

He has shown that verse to be true in our lives over and over again. He has done many wonders, and His deeds have truly been too many to declare. Through that He has shown us beyond a shadow of a doubt that none can compare with Him. It has certainly not always been easy, it has certainly not always been the way we would have chosen, and we know that there is more difficulty and uncertainty ahead as we move closer and closer to this fall. But this is as true today as it was two years ago:

Nothing but His grace could explain the fact that on this day, I can rejoice in His sovereignty, have peace in His plan, and be more sure than ever of His goodness.

How have you seen His grace at work in your life? I'd love to hear in the comments! Are you struggling right now, or facing a dark situation? I'd love to pray for you. You can message me via the "contact me" box in the sidebar, or leave a comment below.

[Scripture Journaling notes: Superquick entry (as shown by the super-messy lettering...ACK!...but I wanted to get it finished this morning and didn't have much time) on Psalm 40:5 using Anita's Acrylic Craft paint, Pilot G-2 pens, and washi tape and stickers from various sources.]

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If a post or posts on Ponderings of an Elect Exile has been a blessing to you, would you do me a huge favor?  Please share the link to Ponderings with your friends using the social media share buttons below or the "pin it" button above.  Thank you!  

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Welcome to Ponderings of an Elect Exile!  Whether you are new here or a faithful friend and regular reader, I'm glad you're here!  If you aren't already following, I'd love to have you join us for the 2015 Ponderings.  It's easy to do, in a variety of ways!  You can follow via  Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest, or  find me on Instagram as Jenbh68. You can also sign up in the sidebar to receive new posts by email.

SO THAT He May Heal Us! {Pondered Pages}

 

I love this verse, Hosea 6:1. We know that in God's sovereignty, nothing happens to us that isn't part of His plan from before the foundation of the world. Sometimes those things that happen to us are painful and hard to understand. Hosea 6:1 says that He tears us so that He may then heal us, and that He wounds us, but then bandages us. The pain is real, but the healing brings us to a new and better place. What a tremendous reminder as we watch those around us endure painful suffering, or as we endure it ourselves! 

{Lettering with Pilot G-2 1.0, washi from Hobby Lobby and Michaels.}

 

What is God teaching you about Himself today? I'd love to hear in the comments. Have you done any Scripture journaling lately? I'd love to see!

For more on Scripture journaling here on the blog, check out these other Pondered Pages posts. 

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If a post or posts on Ponderings of an Elect Exile has been a blessing to you, would you do me a huge favor?  Please share the link to Ponderings with your friends using the social media share buttons below or the "pin it" button above.  Thank you! 

***
  Welcome to Ponderings of an Elect Exile!   Whether you are new here or a faithful friend and regular reader, I'm glad you're here!   If you aren't already following, I'd love to have you join us for the 2015 Ponderings.  It's easy to do, in a variety of ways!   You can follow via  Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest, or  find me on Instagram as Jenbh68. You can also sign up in the sidebar to receive new posts by email.

The Answer to Suffering {Pondered Pages}

Supplies used: Acrylic paint (Anita's), Washi tape, and TUL pen

 

When suffering comes, questions inevitably follow. "Why is this happening?" "What did I do to cause this?" "Why is God allowing this?"

During one of my own most difficult periods of suffering a few years ago, I asked those questions and more. I spent time searching the Bible for answers. What I learned was life-changing.

What comes to mind when we think of the book of Job? Job's loss, "the patience of Job", the theme of suffering are all things that usually came to mind for me.

I've been amazed in recent years to discover that the point of the book of Job is not actually Job's great loss and suffering. Nor is it Job's patience. The theme of the book of Job is Who God is.

The truth God began to teach me 9 years ago as I was questioning God about the suffering our family was experiencing can be summed up by these two quotes from the Behold Your God study:

"God's character unveiled is the answer to suffering."

"...the answer to Job's suffering is not an explanation from God; rather it is a revelation of God."

(The Behold Your God study is a fabulous study, btw...Our family is doing this study again with our church this year and I cannot recommend it enough.)

As we go through this study for the second time, I am trying to journal some of the highlights in my journaling Bibles. I need to be reminded often of this truth: that when life is difficult or hard to understand, my focus needs not to be on the "whys", but the "Who".

It's amazingly simple and incredibly complicated all at the same time, but the answer to suffering is simply more of Him. Scripture says if we seek Him with all our hearts, He will be found. (Jeremiah 29:13) He uses our suffering to draw us closer to Him, to show us more of His glory.

Supplies used: Washi tape and TUL pen

 

What is God teaching you about Himself today? I'd love to hear in the comments. Have you done any Scripture journaling lately? I'd love to see!

For more on Scripture journaling here on the blog, check out these other Pondered Pages posts. 

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If a post or posts on Ponderings of an Elect Exile has been a blessing to you, would you do me a huge favor?  Please share the link to Ponderings with your friends using the social media share buttons below or the "pin it" button above.  Thank you! 

***
  Welcome to Ponderings of an Elect Exile!   Whether you are new here or a faithful friend and regular reader, I'm glad you're here!   If you aren't already following, I'd love to have you join us for the 2015 Ponderings.  It's easy to do, in a variety of ways!   You can follow via  Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest, or  find me on Instagram as Jenbh68. You can also sign up in the sidebar to receive new posts by email.

7 Truths On Which to Dwell on the Hard Days {And Every Day}

This is always a hard day for me. The story behind that is not entirely mine to tell, and therefore I'll leave it at that. These thoughts are pulled from something I wrote several years ago on this date which had far too many details for general publication. This year as I was re-reading it, I decided to pull out the important parts and redesign them into something post-able, leaving out the more personal bits that don't need to be shared.

There are many memories associated with this day...memories that used to be good, but that now bring  a grapefruit-sized lump in the throat, a dagger-like sensation in the chest, and a frantic feeling of needing oxygen upon the slightest attempt to remember.

A wise older man once said to a friend of mine, “There are things worse than death.”  I think of that this morning as I sit wishing that the good memories weren’t tainted with such horrible, horrible stains, like photos that have mildewed under a leaky roof.

Things worse than death indeed.

This day always brings up questions...lots of questions. Questions that, if I let them, could send me into a lasting catatonic state. 

They flit into my head and I have to immediately shuttle them back out. I cannot dwell on any of them. Like another recent tragedy that has hit very close to home, I know there are no answers, and that there will never be this side of Heaven. Therefore, the questions must not be allowed to invade.  The truths I must dwell on, today and always, are these:

*God knew every jot and tittle of every circumstance that has occurred before any of it came to be. In fact, He knew this before the foundation of the world!

*God is not taken by surprise…not one iota…by any of the circumstances that shock us and send us reeling. 

*God loves our children even more than we do, and He has a plan for them…a plan for good and not for evil, a plan to give them a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11)

*God loves those who have done evil to us. Their sin is not past being forgiven. They are no more and no less sinners than I am, or than any other person on earth, alive or dead. We are all sinners.  Our sin...all sin...is heinous…even though some may not appear as heinous as others. The difference is, we have experienced His grace and mercy, and been transformed into new creatures...not because of anything we have done, or any good in us, but because of His work in us.

*God is sovereign. God is good. God has already triumphed over evil. And He tells us in His Word that He carries us in the palm of His hand. He never left any of us for one minute during the worst of the dark days. He promises us that in His Word…that He will never leave us or forsake us. 

*He has kept our tears in a bottle! (Psalm 56:8) He cares for our pain! And one day, He will wipe away all tears from our eyes. There will be no more death, or mourning, or crying, or pain. (Rev. 21:4) What a tremendous thought for those who belong to Him.

*My responsibility now? To worship and obey. To be the wife and mother God has called me to be. To be ready and willing to share Him at any opportunity. The words to the chorus we’ve sung so often this year flood my mind again this morning. When I don’t understand, my response should be worship. The things I don’t understand…the unanswered questions that are always just below the surface…these are constant reminders of His greatness, and my weakness. His ways are higher than our ways. He is holy, and sovereign, and all-powerful, and all-wise, and I am not.  He sees the past, present, and future clearly, and orchestrates it all in His power, while we see through a glass dimly. 

Worship, obey, believe, and press on. 

“Bow the knee.  Trust the heart of your Father when the answer goes beyond what you can see.  Bow the knee.  Lift your eyes toward Heaven and believe the One who holds eternity.  And when you don’t understand, the purpose of His plan, In the presence of the King, Bow the knee.”

~Chris Machen

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3: 13-14

***

If a post or posts on Ponderings of an Elect Exile has been a blessing to you, would you do me a huge favor?  Please share the link to Ponderings with your friends using the social media share buttons below or the "pin it" button above.  Thank you!  

***

Welcome to Ponderings of an Elect Exile!  Whether you are new here or a faithful friend and regular reader, I'm glad you're here!  If you aren't already following, I'd love to have you join us for the 2014 Ponderings.  It's easy to do, in a variety of ways!  You can follow via  Facebook, Twitter, and/or Pinterest, or  find me on Instagram as Jenbh68. You can also sign up in the sidebar to receive new posts by email. 

She's Done it Again...

No, not one of my girls. ;-)  

Ann Voskamp.   Yesterday's "The Creative Work of Suffering" is a must-read.  Beautiful, comforting, inspiring, convicting.  Today's "Thanksgiving Rightly Addressed" is excellent as well.   She cuts to the heart of the matter so eloquently.   

Much to ponder...

Thankful Thursday--Sovreignty of God

I am thankful this morning to have been reminded again that *nothing* takes God by surprise.

He has reminded me over and over of that in recent months. As I read this Thankful Thursday post, I thought as I have thought often recently, that God's Sovreignty can at times be very painful. That has been a new realization this year. When we have experienced trials in the past, the Sovreignty of God has always been a comfort...but I have discovered through this past year that there are sufferings of a depth that can truly make the Sovreignty of God *hurt*. However, I am so thankful that that realization has come hand in hand with realizing God's love on a whole new level. He has shown me that the pain of His Sovreignty is always accompanied by the immensity of His Love and Care. He truly does "carry us close to His Heart as a Shepherd" (Isa. 40:11).

Robin Sampson posted this quote from Warren Wiersbe in her Thankful Thursday post this week...I am thankful that God led her to post and led me to see them, as I *needed* these words today:

“If we only endure our trials, then trials become our master, and we have a tendency to become hard and bitter. If we try to escape our trials, then we will probably miss the purposes God wants to achieve in our lives. But if we learn to enlist our trials, they will become our servants instead of our masters and work for us; and God will work all things together for our good and His glory. (Rom. 8:28).”

I am thankful this morning that no matter how hard the day or how blah my mood, God always reminds me of His incredible blessings if I will just stop long enough to be reminded. I'm thankful for Thankful Thursday giving a *push* to stop and let Him remind me.

Incredible Love

We are working on another song by Stuart Townend in adult choir right now... How Deep the Father's Love for Us. The first time we sang it, I thought it was beautiful, and looked down to see who it was written by...and realized it was written by the same person who wrote my very *favorite* song we have done in choir this year (The Power of the Cross). Not only are both of these songs musical *dreams* for an alto (some beautiful low melody parts in addition to gorgeous harmonies), but the words are incredible. God continues to amaze me with new realizations of the true depth of His love. And He continues to remind me of the *truth* and *reality* of His Sovreignty. I have struggled with the Sovreignty of God this year more than any other, but through those struggles, I have become convinced that suffering is indeed necessary for us to gain a deeper understanding of God's love for us.

"How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure...

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

...Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers...."

(Exerpted from How Deep the Father's Love for Us, by Stuart Townend)

When we first began working on this song, I had just had a conversation with a friend about God's sovreignty and goodness and human suffering. It is hard for us as finite humans sometimes (all the time?) to reconcile the suffering of children with the Goodness and Sovreignty of God. She shared that it was much easier for her to accept the suffering adults experience than the suffering of innocent children. I have struggled with that as well. We have watched a number of *innocent children* suffer...including our own. We watched our youngest go through intense physical suffering during the first 6 weeks of life, enduring medical procedures that send adults into anxiety attacks, and acquiring scars that may be visible for the rest of her life. Our older children have gone through periods of extreme emotional suffering due to various family crises. I have spent a lot of time pondering why God allows *innocent children* to suffer, both before and after the conversation with my friend. I certainly don't have an easy answer. But God has brought me a long way in this area, and because we are dealing with some long term issues involving the suffering of children, I know that He will continue to lead in this area.

One thing I have realized about the suffering of children is this: the suffering of my children gets my attention faster than anything else. God has taught *me* more through the suffering of my children than through any other suffering I have experienced. I have clung to Him more for wisdom and strength in helping my children through their suffering than I ever would have otherwise. And I have learned more about God's love for us as our Heavenly Father through the experience of watching my children suffer.

When Ammah Grace was still in NICU, I had the most vivid realization of the immensity of God's love for us that I had ever had up to that point. She was several weeks old, and it was our first time to actually be *alone*...she was finally stable enough for me to take her into the nursing mother's area and be in the privacy of a curtained cubicle. I was finally able to just sit with my baby and examine all of her little fingers and toes as I had done with all of my other children in the first few hours of life. As I sat marvelling at how tiny she still was...although she had already gained almost a pound by that time...I noticed something I had never seen on my other children. Scars. Little tiny scars, on her hands, and on her feet. Scars from multiple IVs and other tests and procedures I didn't even want to think about. I was suddenly overwhelmed at how much suffering this little girl had already experienced in her very first weeks of life. I remembered the agony I had gone through a couple of weeks earlier, giving permission by phone for her to undergo a spinal tap...not a pleasant procedure for anyone, much less a tiny baby. I remembered having the crazy urge to jump in the van and drive the 2 1/2 hours to the hospital because I couldn't stand the thought of her going through the procedure alone, despite the fact that the doctor had said they needed to do it immediately. (I had gone home for a week or so to get things settled before going back to Little Rock to stay for the duration of her stay in NICU.)

Tears flooded down my face as I ached for the suffering this child had endured...as I contemplated the suffering that could be still to come for her...and as I realized again my complete and total inability to do anything about any of it. In the midst of my tears, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the thought of another Parent who had wept over His Child's scars. God quietly reminded me that He, too, had experienced the pain of seeing scars on the hands and feet of His Child. He, too, had known the pain of allowing His Son to suffer alone...not being there to comfort Him in the worst time of suffering that He...that any man...had ever experienced.

And then He reminded me of this: He didn't have to.

As I struggled with my total helplessness to control the suffering my child had already experienced and would experience in the future, I realized that God didn't *have* to see His Son suffer. He could have, with a word, released Him from that suffering. Jesus Himself could have called "10,000 angels...to destroy the world and set Him free." But...God willingly watched His only Son suffer and die at the hands of evil men...He turned His face away as Jesus took on the sin of the world that He couldn't even look upon...and He did it for *us*. Sinful, evil, miserable, ungrateful people. People that He loved enough to die for. I realized in that moment that there was no one in the world that I could have *willingly allowed* this little girl to endure that kind of suffering for. I knew that I would have done anything in my power to keep her from having to experience the suffering she had experienced.

And at that moment, I realized in a way I had never realized before how deep the Father's love for us...for me...really is. The lyrics of this song express what I felt that day...and what I feel every time I think about those teeny, tiny scars...so perfectly. What incredible word pictures...about an Incredible Love.